The term “narcissist” is used more today than ever before, and many people reach for it quickly to describe an ex-partner, a critical parent, a demanding boss, or a friend who always puts themselves first. The label has become a quick way to describe anyone who appears self-absorbed or difficult. Criminal psychologist Dr. Julia Shaw, known for her expertise in false memories and human behavior, says the word has become almost trendy. In a conversation with LADbible Stories, she remarks that “people love this term right now”, and then offers a humorous but accurate observation: “Oh, my mom’s a narcissist. My therapist, your ex: it’s almost always an ex for women: is a narcissist.” This reflects how frequently and casually people now use the term, even when the person in question may simply be going through a stressful time or expressing normal human imperfections.
However, real narcissistic personality disorder involves far more than everyday selfishness. It reflects a long-term pattern in how a person thinks, responds to others, interprets criticism, and manages self-esteem. When the term gets thrown around loosely, it becomes harder for people to understand what the disorder actually looks like and how to identify it. This is part of why Dr. Shaw’s explanation of narcissism is so valuable. She encourages people to stop diagnosing others casually, to take the condition seriously, and to recognize when the term is being used inaccurately.
This naturally leads to one of the most surprising findings in psychology. According to Dr. Shaw, researchers discovered that identifying narcissistic traits may not require a long test at all. Instead, it might be revealed by a single, very simple question.
Understanding What Narcissism Really Means
Before exploring the one-question tool, it helps to understand what narcissistic personality disorder actually is. The disorder is associated with a pattern of behavior that affects how someone views themselves and how they relate to other people. Many people enjoy recognition or praise occasionally. Many people feel proud of their accomplishments. These traits alone do not signal narcissism. The disorder involves persistent patterns such as an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, difficulty empathizing with others, and a tendency to react strongly to criticism. These traits often reinforce one another and can impact relationships, decision-making, and emotional health.
People with narcissistic tendencies may appear confident, but this confidence often depends heavily on validation from others. They may exaggerate their abilities, downplay the strengths of others, or become angry when they feel ignored. They may shift blame easily or avoid any responsibility that damages their self-image. These patterns are not about isolated moments. They involve long-term tendencies.
Dr. Shaw encourages people to be thoughtful when using the word. She warns, “We need to be incredibly careful not to use this therapeutic language in this really casual, overly confident, inaccurate way: because it takes away from contexts where it really matters.” Her point is that careless use of the term makes it harder to identify genuine cases. It can also unfairly label people who may simply be struggling, learning, or protecting themselves emotionally.
Once you understand what narcissism means, the next part becomes especially fascinating. Researchers found that one question alone may be surprisingly accurate at revealing narcissistic traits.
The One Question Psychologists Ask to Spot a Narcissist
Personality assessments have traditionally involved dozens of questions. They ask about emotions, beliefs, habits, and ways of thinking. But psychologists wondered if narcissism could be measured more simply. This curiosity led to the development of the Single Item Narcissism Scale, a tool so simple that it almost feels like a joke. According to Dr. Shaw, it is “one of my favourite findings” in the entire field of psychology.
The question is:
“Are you a narcissist?”
Researchers tested this single question alongside more complex surveys that required participants to respond to twenty or more items. The results were surprising. The single question predicted narcissistic traits almost as accurately as the longer assessments. Dr. Shaw describes the process by saying, “Psychologists tried with 20 questions and they’re like, well, you know, let’s see if this works. And then they tried actually, why don’t we try one question? And they developed what’s called the single item narcissism scale, which is literally just the question, ‘Are you a narcissist?’” She adds, “It was as predictive of whether people are narcissists as 20 or more questions. Which is kind of funny: and I also think it could potentially be useful.”
Why would this work? According to Dr. Shaw, people who have high levels of narcissistic traits usually have no problem acknowledging it. They often see their traits as strengths rather than flaws. She explains that, “A narcissist would probably answer to this question, ‘Are you a narcissist?’ : ‘Uh, yeah, but like I am better than most people.’” This response reflects the core of narcissism. It involves “thinking you’re great and thinking you’re better than you actually are” at something. A person who truly holds this belief does not feel embarrassed by the label. Instead, they see it as confirmation of their superiority.
This is why the one-question method, although simple, is such an interesting window into human psychology.
Where These Traits Often Come From
Dr. Shaw does not believe people are born with harmful personalities. She rejects the idea that anyone is “born evil,” and instead explains that personality develops through many influences. Family environment, stress, early childhood experiences, social expectations, and survival strategies all shape how people learn to behave. Some people learn to protect themselves by developing very strong or inflated self-views. Others learn that controlling situations or seeking admiration makes them feel safer. These patterns can take root over time.
This broader view reminds us that narcissistic traits often reflect deeper emotional experiences. People may not always understand why they behave the way they do, but those patterns can reveal unspoken needs or unresolved issues beneath the surface.
During her discussion, Dr. Shaw was asked whether world leaders are often narcissists. Her response was short but revealing. She simply said, “Definitely. That’s all I’m going to say on that one.” Positions of power often attract people who enjoy attention, influence, and recognition, which can overlap with narcissistic qualities. Her statement suggests a pattern many people have already observed.
Common Behaviors Many People Associate With Narcissism
While only a professional can diagnose NPD, certain behaviors commonly appear in people with narcissistic tendencies. These are traits many individuals notice in their daily interactions. They do not confirm a diagnosis, but they can help people understand patterns within relationships.
People often notice the following:
- A constant need for admiration
- A habit of exaggerating abilities or accomplishments
- Difficulty understanding other people’s feelings
- Sensitivity to any form of criticism
- A tendency to shift blame onto others
- Manipulative or guilt-based communication
- A belief that rules apply differently to them
- A focus on maintaining a superior self-image
These behaviors do not always appear in obvious ways. Sometimes they show up in subtle patterns, such as consistently diminishing others, demanding attention, or avoiding accountability. Understanding these tendencies helps people communicate more effectively and protect their well-being in challenging relationships.
Natural Ways to Support Your Well-Being Around Difficult Personalitie
Not everyone can avoid interactions with people who have narcissistic behaviors. They may be coworkers, relatives, partners, or long-term friends. What you can do is strengthen your emotional health and protect your sense of inner stability.
Helpful practices include:
- Setting clearer boundaries so your emotional space remains respected
- Limiting overly draining conversations and keeping your responses calm and simple
- Practicing grounding techniques such as slow breathing or mindfulness before responding
- Maintaining supportive relationships that help you balance stress
- Reflecting on your own feelings so you can respond with clarity instead of reacting out of pressure
- Separating yourself from their emotional reactions so their mood does not dictate your own
- Reducing contact when necessary to protect your well-being
These approaches help you maintain balance and inner strength, especially when dealing with someone who struggles with empathy, accountability, or emotional regulation.
A Clear Takeaway for Anyone Trying to Understand Narcissism
Learning about narcissism does not mean diagnosing others. Instead, it helps you understand behavior, protect your emotional health, and communicate more effectively. Dr. Julia Shaw’s insight reminds us that real narcissism involves long-term patterns that go beyond everyday selfishness. Her explanation of the one-question scale shows how open some individuals are about their self-perception and how personality research can reveal unexpected truths.
The most important message is that clarity, understanding, and thoughtful communication help far more than labels. When you recognize patterns, set healthier boundaries, and stay grounded, you protect your peace and create a healthier environment for yourself and the people around you.
