Several years ago a reader submitted the following question to my Wellness Column. I purposely bring to mind that this was sent in and addressed several years ago because the topic of fear seems to be more on peoples’ minds today than when this was first posed.
I have just been offered a job transfer, but it is out of town. I have lived here almost my whole life, and not being a risk taker, feel quite uncomfortable in making the change. I know it would be good for me but I feel torn by the fears that keep coming up and tormenting me.
Signed: Torn by Fear
Universal Law States: Whatever we focus on, we then attract.
So, if we are consumed by the mental thoughts and feelings associated with fear (or any feelings of negativity which are a drain to our energy), then we repeatedly attract to us situations that bring in more of those same feelings.
And by continuing to feel these life-draining thoughts and feelings over the long term, a lifestyle pattern is created and accepted as our reality.
The first step in releasing this pattern is in identifying whether the fear is real or unreal.
Safe In Our Comfort Zone
Change affects each of us differently, depending on the impact that the Change would have on our lives and also in how rooted we are in maintaining our comfort zones.
Funny thing about comfort zones, no matter how bad or stagnant our life is, or how dangerous it may be to our physical and/or mental health (or that of our loved ones) the fear of not knowing what is beyond what we can see becomes so overpowering to us that some would rather remain in a no-win situation than take the risk of having what we deserve.
Fear robs people of their dreams, life doesn’t. But fear is not an emotion. It is the instinctive part of our self; set up to warn us of tangible dangers such as crossing the street when a car is rapidly careening toward us. Our instincts were appropriately established in the days of the cave man, when it was the primary requirement for day to day existence.
But unfortunately, our instinctive temperament still maintains a ruling spotlight in that we constantly have to soothe and calm the scared child within, ensuring her/him that we will still have the physical, monetary, or status security even if we leave the current situation.
We Have A Choice
Fear is recognizable and so it becomes a tool for us to use in determining whether what we are fearful of is real or unreal. Real is the car speeding toward us as we are stepping off the curb, or the small child reaching to touch the hot burner on the stove. These are tangible dangers and we can readily see the immediate and real consequence.
Unreal fear usually has a ‘What If?’ question attached to it:
- If I change careers, what if I can’t make enough money in the new job?,
- If I leave this relationship, what if I can’t find a better one . . .or any one?,
- If I change, what if my friends don’t like me any longer — or maybe I wouldn’t like them any more?
Fear supports and promotes setting ourselves up as victims. But we are always at choice, each moment of every day, whether to be a victim or a master. Unreal fear is a block to our having what we deserve.
And so intuition may be used to get our attention that we are on the wrong track. Intuition is that part of us, deep within, that has the Knowingness of what is really true …. where ego and illusion do not interfere and “What Is So” speaks to us when we are ready to listen.
The last lines of a very special verse, entitled RISK IT, effectively illustrates this subject. The author is anonymous:
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel,
change, grow, love, live.
Only a person who risks is free.
3 Steps To Remove Unreal Fear
So how do you release unreal fear? Here are the 3 primary steps:
- When feeling any negative feeling understand that at the root it is fear based.
- Identify whether the fear is real or unreal – ask yourself if there is a tangible danger (i.e. to your physical body, etc) which is a real fear, or if there is a “What If” question attached to it which reflects an unreal fear
- If it is an unreal fear then –
- Acknowledge this to yourself.
- Recognize that within you is an inner small child afraid for their security.
- Identify what is at the core of the security issue.
- Identify options to make the inner child feel they are heard and will be taken care of.