There comes a point in our lives where many of us settle down with our partner, who we know isn’t really our ideal match. Perhaps, it’s because the idea of becoming single and starting over, especially after you’ve hit a certain age, can seem quite daunting. We prefer sticking to someone we’re used to being around, rather than risking a breakup and not being able to find someone else we’re more compatible with.
The risk, however, is always well worth it. You only lead one life, and it seems like a shame to settle for someone who isn’t exactly your cup of tea.
Not sure if you’re guilty of dating or settling down with the wrong person? Here are some signs that will help you figure that out.
8 Signs You’re Settling For Less Than You Deserve In Your Relationship
Ask yourself if the following applies to you. If it does, you’re definitely settling for much less than you deserve.
1. You Feel Like You Can’t Be Yourself
There’s a certain amount of give and take that is required in any relationship, and this may mean that you need to make some compromises. However, you should never have to completely change yourself for someone else’s benefit. Never give up your hobbies, family, friends, religion, values, or anything else that makes you who you are. A good relationship will never ask you to discard a part of yourself for your partner, instead, should make you feel confident and comfortable enough to be yourself. If you think your relationship is making you lose your identity, it’s the first sign that you’re not in the right place.
2. You Feel Trapped In Your Relationship
Do you sometimes feel too scared to end your relationship out of guilt of abandoning your significant other or because you fear you might regret it later? You find yourself worrying about how things will never get better, yet, you think that breaking things off will make you feel just as bad, if not worse. Then there are days you find yourself secretly wishing that your partner would end things, just so you won’t have to bear the guilt of breaking up.
If you feel this way often, you’re definitely settling and will continue to do so unless you take action for yourself.
3. You Keep Comparing What You Have
Wishing that your significant other was as patient with you as your friend’s boyfriend, or that your girlfriend was as understanding as your colleague’s fiancee is not a nice place to be at. You keep finding yourself wishing your partner had traits similar to those of other people because you’re subconsciously not in love with the kind of person your partner is. Whether you want them to change how they look physically, or whether you wish they had a different personality altogether, you have to understand that you cannot change or fix people and even the thought of wanting to do that is insulting. You wouldn’t like it if your partner felt the same way about you. You may think it’s okay since you’re keeping this to yourself, but constantly wishing your partner was a different person is not fair to either one of you.
4. You Feel Like Your Eye Is Always Wandering
If you find yourself checking out other people often or even thinking of starting an affair with someone else, then you’re not just settling, you also are being extremely unfair to both your significant other and to yourself.
5. You’d Rather Stay Than Being Alone
Sometimes, your partner’s company drives you up the wall; you find yourself getting irritated with even the littlest of things. Yet, you are just more comfortable being in this relationship as compared to the idea of being by yourself again. This is basically the definition of settling in a relationship.
Loving someone for who he or she should be the only reason for you to want to be with that person. The fear of being alone should never be the reason for you to date or marry someone.
Picture your life without the person you’re currently with, and if you think you can be much happier on your own, it’s time to end the relationship.
6. You’re Always Complaining
Take a moment to think about the things you say when someone asks you about your significant other. Are they mostly complaints?
If you find yourself venting about your relationship more often than appreciating it, you’re settling for something much less than what you really want.
7. You Disregard The Red Flags
If you’re secretly not okay with the way your significant other behaves or handles things, but stay quiet just because you want to avoid a fight, you’re settling. By turning a blind eye on those deal breakers, you’re compromising your worth by staying with someone who doesn’t value your feelings. If you feel for even a second that being with your partner is not going to be good for you, be it physical, emotional, or psychological – it’s time you said goodbye to your relationship.
8. You’re Making All The Effort
Do you often feel drained and exhausted because you’re the one always making an effort to make the relationship work? Like you’re being taken for granted and nothing you do will ever be good enough? You’re settling.
Love is all about give and take; it takes two dedicated people to make a successful relationship. You’re not obliged to feed the needs of your significant other all the time.
If your partner doesn’t make any effort in making you feel that you’re just as important, you’re in the wrong relationship and it is only going to get worse over time.
Introspect and ask yourself if you’re staying with someone just because it’s comfortable, or because you’re truly in love with your partner. If it’s the former, the best thing you can do for yourself and for your significant other is to be honest and talk it out. Two things can come out of that; one, your partner might start making more of an effort and the relationship may improve, or two, you realize it’s better to part ways and move on. This way, you not only give yourself a chance to find someone who makes you happy, but you also let the other person seek someone who may potentially be happier with him or her.
Yes, this will mean having to live by yourself, going to sleep and waking up alone in bed, eating alone, and watching movies alone. But honestly, it’s so much better to stay single and learn to be happy with yourself than being with someone you’re not in love with.
If you’re someone who finds yourself compromising all the time, relationship after relationship, and are simply too fed up of starting over? The next time you think of being with someone, ask yourself if you’re doing it because you’re really in love with that person, or because you’re just sick of being alone. The moment you find yourself feeling the latter, you’re settling even before you start your relationship and it’s only going to get worse over time. Stop doing that and there’s a high possibility that you’ll be genuinely happy in your next relationship.