The human nervous system is designed to respond to immediate threats and then return to a state of calm. However, for many living in environments where safety feels precarious, that return to calm never quite arrives. Instead, the body adapts to a chronic state of “hypervigilance”—a heightened awareness of surroundings to detect danger. Over time, this constant scanning of crowds and exits stops feeling like a stress response and simply feels like life.
For parents, this anxiety is often compounded by the responsibility of protecting children in public spaces and schools. It is easy to assume that this level of alertness is universal, a standard requirement of modern parenting. Yet, clarity often only comes with distance. Stepping outside of a familiar environment can reveal just how heavy the mental load of survival mode actually is.
One family’s decision to leave the United States highlights this stark contrast. Their experience exposes the physical and mental toll of existing in a society where safety is not guaranteed, raising a fundamental question about what we accept as “normal.” When the body finally stops bracing for impact, the realization of what was being carried all along can be shocking.
Why Safety is Driving Families Abroad
@lunanearandfar Here’s what shifted for him. I’m sure this’ll piss the right people off. No pun intended. #movingabroad #spaindigitalnomadvisa #movingabroadwithpets #movingtospainwithkids ♬ 7AM – Slowed + Reverb – Adrian
For many parents, the decision to leave the United States goes beyond adventure or economics; it is a direct response to chronic safety anxiety. Luna Ashley Santel and her husband, parents to a four-year-old daughter, exemplify this shift. While the husband initially hesitated to move from St. Louis to Spain, a moment in a crowded Spanish café changed his mind. In the U.S., large crowds often trigger a state of high alert or hypervigilance. However, realizing the people around him were unarmed allowed him to relax in a way he could not back home.
He described this realization as lifting a “weight” he had carried his whole life, noting, “Like what we think is normal is not normal.” This sense of constant alertness is a common stressor for Americans living in areas with loose firearm regulations. The contrast in policy between the two locations is stark. Missouri permits open or concealed carry without a license. Spain, conversely, allows handgun ownership for self-defense only in cases of verifiable danger.
The statistics validate this psychological relief. In 2021, Missouri recorded a gun death rate of 23.2 per 100,000 people. In comparison, Spain’s rate was just 0.64 per 100,000 in 2019. By moving, the family is statistically reducing their exposure to gun violence by more than 36 times. For families like the Santels, relocating becomes a necessary step to dismantle the mental toll of existing in a constant state of defense.
Rejecting the Normalization of Fear
@lunanearandfar The count down is on. #movingabroad #movingtospain #digitalnomadvisaspain #movingtospainwithkids #expatspainlife #gettingoutoftheusa #movingoutoftheusa ♬ Chill Vibes – Tollan Kim
The decision to relocate often extends beyond general public safety and into the specific environment of the American school system. Luna Ashley Santel approaches this issue with the perspective of a former educator. Having spent seven years as a teacher, she witnessed firsthand the implementation of security measures that have become standard in U.S. schools. Her primary concern centers on the psychological impact of intruder and active shooter drills on young children.
For the Santel family, subjecting their daughter to these simulations was non-negotiable. Luna describes the drills as “terrifying” and notes that they force children to confront violent scenarios at a developmental stage where they should feel secure. “It’s nothing that I want my 5-year-old child to have to accept or learn as normal,” she explained.
This specific anxiety drives many parents to seek education systems where safety is assumed rather than practiced through lockdown rehearsals. In the United States, the necessity of these drills inadvertently teaches children to anticipate violence. By moving to Spain, the family is opting for an educational environment where the focus remains on learning and socialization, rather than survival preparedness. This shift allows their daughter to retain a sense of innocence that is increasingly difficult to preserve in American classrooms.
The Search for Affordability and Sanity Abroad
@lunanearandfar Replying to @Neek i may have gotten a little carried away, but anything to help you guys who don’t know where to start! #movingabroad #howtomoveabroad #gettingoutoftheusa #movingtospainwithkids #digitalnomadvisaspain #spaindigitalnomadvisa #spanishimmigrant #citizenshipbydescent ♬ original sound – Luna | Travel & Mom Life ✈️
The Santel family is not an anomaly but part of a measurable shift in American demographics. Estimates indicate that approximately 8 million Americans currently reside outside the United States, a figure that has nearly doubled since the 4.1 million counted in 1999. While safety concerns are a powerful catalyst, the decision to emigrate is often supported by practical economic factors and evolving work structures.
The rise of remote work has successfully decoupled employment from physical location for many professionals. This shift allows workers to retain U.S. salaries while relocating to countries with a lower cost of living, effectively increasing their purchasing power. Popular destinations like Mexico, Canada, and the United Kingdom offer varied lifestyles that appeal to this mobile workforce.
Foreign governments are actively capitalizing on this trend through “golden visa” programs. these policies offer residency permits to individuals who make significant financial investments, such as purchasing real estate or donating to government funds. For families feeling squeezed by inflation or housing costs in the U.S., these programs offer a tangible exit strategy.
Social media reactions to the Santel’s story highlight that the motivation to leave is rarely singular. Many users commented on the exhausting “mental energy” required to simply exist in the American system. Whether driven by the desire to escape political polarization, reduce daily expenses, or find a safer environment, the data suggests that more Americans are concluding that a better quality of life lies across the border.
Navigating Safety Anxiety in Daily Life
Not everyone has the resources or desire to expatriate, but the stress of hypervigilance described by the Santel family affects many. Managing this mental load requires a proactive approach to personal well-being within one’s current environment.
- Identify the Invisible Stress: The father in the story only recognized his burden when it vanished. Individuals should regularly perform self-checks to identify physical signs of anxiety, such as clenched jaws, raised shoulders, or shallow breathing, while in public spaces. Acknowledging that this state of alert is a survival mechanism, rather than a standard way of living, validates the experience and allows for better stress management.
- Curate Information Intake: Constant exposure to news about violence exacerbates feelings of insecurity. While staying informed is necessary, doom-scrolling is not. Set strict boundaries around media consumption. Limiting exposure to traumatic headlines can lower cortisol levels and help distinguish between immediate local threats and general national anxieties.
- Focus on Connection: Isolation often amplifies fear. Engaging with local community groups, neighbors, or school boards can transform a frightening abstract environment into a tangible, manageable community. Building relationships creates a localized support system that counters the narrative of danger.
If the urge to leave remains strong, avoid romanticizing the process based on social media clips. Start with small, actionable steps. Look into temporary stays or simpler visa options that do not require purchasing property. Gaining perspective does not always require a permanent move; sometimes, a temporary change of scenery is enough to reset the nervous system and clarify long-term goals.
Redefining “Normal”: A Call to Prioritize Peace
The Santel family’s story highlights a simple truth: constant fear should not be the price of admission for daily life. It is easy to numb oneself to chronic stress and accept high alert levels as just “how things are.” However, looking over a shoulder constantly at a grocery store or worrying about school drop-offs should not be standard behavior. When a parent realizes that “normal” actually means living in defense mode, it is time to question the surroundings.
Peace of mind is just as important as a paycheck or a big house. It is valid to want a life where safety is a given, rather than something that requires constant vigilance. This narrative serves as a permission slip to stop tolerating the intolerable.
Not everyone can or wants to pack up and move to another continent. However, everyone can look at their life and decide that feeling safe matters. Whether that means moving to a quieter neighborhood, advocating for local changes, or simply setting boundaries to protect mental health, the goal is clear. Do not settle for a life spent looking for the nearest exit. Prioritize a life where it is safe to finally let your guard down.
