An affair is an incredibly difficult thing to comprehend for anyone who is affected. There are many ways someone can cheat, and the definition varies from person to person, but the pain that comes with any kind of cheating is deep and leaves massive scars behind. Anyone that has faced infidelity knows that things won’t be the same again for them, and this realization along with a few others can be hard to comprehend and work through. There are initial feelings of shock and denial, followed by anger and resentment as the affair comes to light, but it can be hard for anyone to know how to approach this topic with their partner. If you suspect that someone you know and love is straying, keep these important things in mind before you decide what to do next.
Things To Consider
Firstly, think of what has made you suspicious of this person. If you have cold, hard facts, then the next step would be to approach your partner to talk about this. However, are you working on suspicion because of something you have heard, or something someone else has told you? You could become suspicious because your partner has become more withdrawn and sullen with you, but is putting more effort into their appearance. It could also be that your partner has starting talking about someone a little too much lately, and in a way that you don’t like. These are all grounds for suspicion, but they are not yet actual facts. Often, what you hear on the grape vine is not always true. Moreover, there are plenty of reasons for someone to become withdrawn with you, especially if your relationship is going through a rough patch. The only person that has the answers to your question and suspicions is your partner, and it might be time for you to talk to them.
Before you talk to your partner, try to get a clear idea of what exactly it is that you suspect. There are different types of affairs, and most often, everyone has one major type they suspect their partner of having: sex, an emotional relationship, a new friendship that is on the verge of going astray, a cyber relationship. One of the primary ways of finding out about an affair, especially in the digital world, is when a partner finds messages exchanged between their partner and another person. While many times, the content of these messages can reveal the exact nature of a relationship, it can also be ambiguous enough to lead to suspicion but not a full confession. Before you approach your partner, make sure you know what you want to say and what you might possibly want answers to.
Things To Be Cautious About
When you start suspecting someone, it is natural to want to talk to friends or family about it. However, you might want to approach this topic with someone you fully trust and listen to rather than bring it up with many people as this may only confuse you further. Not everyone has our best intentions at heart, so be aware of people having their own agendas to what you might say. Moreover, the more people get involved, the more they will take sides and confuse you as to what to do, and you might end up being driven by emotion rather than using reason. A trusted person can help you to calm down while giving you the right kind of advice to get you through this time.
It is important to remember that it may seem like a confession will make things better, but this might not always be the case. If you are going to approach your partner with a suspicion, chances are high that it will turn into a confession. You may go into the discussion hoping for reassurance that can reduce your anxiety, but you might end up in the worst case scenario. Is this something you are willing to accept right now, and is it something you can deal with at this point of time? Being prepared for the worst is key when you decide to have this discussion with your partner. Sometimes, you might want more time before you decide to confront your partner, and if this what you need, then give yourself that time to prepare and ready yourself.
Approaching Your Partner
Finally, if you have decided to approach your partner, do it at the right time. Bringing it up in the middle of another fight is never a good idea, as it can make you lose sight of what exactly you want to get from the discussion. Try to make time for it, and keep away any sort of interruption. Approach your partner with calm and concern rather than outright blaming them. Give them a chance to explain themselves, and be prepared for what might come from it. We may be feeling that a confession might bring some relief after all the time spent poring over suspicion, but the reality is that a confession brings more pain and torment than originally thought. At times, your partner might deny everything and this can lead to matters being left behind and unresolved, and this could put more strain on the relationship. At this time, it may help to approach a professional for help to get through this together, either to come together stronger or to part.
Revenge is one of the most common thoughts for anyone that has been cheated on, and it might feel right to have an affair to make yourself feel better, or to damage/name and shame the person involved with your partner. Though this may give you temporary relief, it might not always work out for the best in the long run for you. This might be the time to take a step back and rethink how you want to approach this. Counselors believe that 94 percent of the time, a couple can overcome infidelity and come out of the ordeal stronger than ever. If you believe that your relationship is worth another chance, and you want to forgive and overcome, approach a mental health counselor who can help both you and your partner to reorganize and reboot the relationship.