Imagine you are walking on a road and suddenly you fall down after twisting your ankle. Amazingly, you find a cane at your disposal. You would use that cane to carry on in your journey, right? Well, closure is that cane.
A closure means accepting that your relationship has ended. It is never easy to say bye to a relationship or someone you loved dearly. But closure is important because it will allow you to move forward. It will push you out of the abyss of pain and self-pity that ensues after a painful breakup or a divorce.
It is a little easier to get closure when you can anticipate the end of your relationship. But a lot of times, relationships can end suddenly and shockingly leaving behind a trail of unanswered questions. That is why understanding the reasons behind a breakup will allow you to take your first step towards getting closure.
Understanding The Breakup
Some relationships will come in your life for a few seasons. And no matter what you do, they will always come to an end. Sometimes, the arrival of that end might come unexpectedly. In such cases, you need to put in more effort to get closure.
You must ruminate over every bit of your broken relationship and what led to it to fully understand what happened. A breakup has many mistakes preceding it. And some of those mistakes would be yours. So, try to understand the part you played in your breakup. This clarity will allow you to see the truth behind all the pain.
Getting Closure Is An Inside Job
A breakup can mess you up emotionally. Initially, it will be hard for you to imagine your life without your ex-partner. During this time, the most common advice that you will get is that you must find closure inside of you. This will be infuriating in the beginning but you will realize the power of this advice at a later point.
After your breakup, you may or may not remain in touch with your ex-partner. But if you are in touch with your ex-partner, then don’t expect him or her to make this breakup easy for you and help you to get closure. And if you are not in touch, then don’t expect your resentment to do that for you.
Accept the pain. It is only when you allow yourself to feel the pain that comes with a breakup, you will realize that the power of overcoming that pain also lies inside of you.
6 Things To Do To Get Closure
1. Stop Imagining Scenarios Of Getting Back Together
First and foremost, you need to accept that your relationship or marriage is over and there is no going back from here. So, you must not allow your mind to wander off to create scenarios in which you get back together with your ex. This is detrimental to your process of finding closure.
How To Avoid Falling Into An Emotional Trap
You can write a note of reality and keep it handy with you. You can write all the reasons behind your breakup, the mistakes you made and all the reasons for not going down that lane again in it. So, when your mind wanders off, you can bring it back to reality by reading the note.
2. Grieve The Loss
Grieving is a part of the process of healing and moving on. You have lost a cherished relationship or a marriage. This loss is going to leave a hole in your heart and life for a while. So, you must allow yourself to grieve this loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So, you can choose to grieve however you want. Here are some ways of expressing your grief constructively.
- Shed A Tear: You can cry if you feel like your heart is exploding with pain. It will help you to physically let out your emotional pain.
- Journal Your Pain: You can also maintain a journal and write down as and when you feel overwhelmed with emotions. It will allow you to tangibly express your pain.
- Talk It Out: You can also talk to your friends, family or even consult a therapist if you want. It will allow you to get more clarity.
- Run Till You Feel Better: You can go for a run when you start feeling overwhelmed with pain. Run till you are exhausted. Physical exhaustion can make you feel better sometimes. If you can’t run, you can go for a walk or swim as well.
Allow yourself to feel bad, but find a way to express that in a constructive manner.
3. Forgiveness Can Set You Free
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you must forget all the bad things that happened. It just means that you are letting go of the pain that came with it. You should remember all of the bad things that happened, especially the lessons you got from it.
You need to find the courage inside to forgive yourself and your ex-partner, even if you deserved an apology and never got one.
4. Reconnect With Your Friends And Family
It is very common to lose out on spending time with friends and family when you are in a relationship or married to someone. You can use this time to reconnect with your friends and family by spending more time with them. You can plan and go on a vacation with them. This will help you to get your mind off your troubles and value the other relationships in your life.
5. Envision Your Future With Your Family
If you are going through a divorce, then letting go would be harder. But you must do it for your well-being and the well-being of your children. You must think about the future that you want to have with them and focus on making that a reality.
Create a vision board for all your dreams with your family, and pick and choose your battles as you go.
6. Focus On Yourself
Ironically, beginnings are often juxtaposed with endings. A breakup or divorce always comes with a possibility of a new ‘you’. So, seize the opportunity to rediscover yourself. Here is a list of some very basic things that you can do to find closure and move on.
- Sort Your Life: Focus on sorting out your life. Start by getting a new place, in case you have to move out. If not, then redecorate your place any way you like.
- Take A Break From Social Media: Take a sabbatical from social media as it can take a toll on your emotional well-being after a breakup.
- Get Active: Take up a physical activity that you enjoy and diligently do it every day. Try to get in the best shape of your life.
- Don’t Binge Eat: If you are an emotional eater, then refrain from doing so. Break the cycle and eat healthy instead.
- Seek Help For Sleep: If you are having trouble sleeping at night, then talk to your doctor or therapist about it. You can also practice mindfulness meditation to calm your perturbed soul and help you sleep.
- Read Uplifting Books: Read motivating or self-help books as much as you can. It will help you feel positive and push yourself forward.
- Strive For A Better Career: Focus on updating your resume, applying to different places and getting a better job with more opportunities. Financial security can be very empowering and healing.
- Pick Up A New Skill: It can be a small skill like cutting veggies in a certain way or a tough skill like learning to skydive. Take that call for yourself and pick up a new skill.
- Practice Gratitude: Try to be grateful for all the great things you have in your life. It will be difficult in the beginning. But it will help you to stay more positive.
- This Too Shall Pass: And most importantly, remember that the pain that you are experiencing isn’t a permanent condition. This phase will pass. So, just hold on to your faith and keep your chin up.
Give yourself time to heal while holding on to the faith that you will, because it is time that can heal everything and it is faith that can allow it to happen faster.