Does your relationship with your spouse feel different? Is it not how it used to be? Every marriage has problems but this doesn’t mean you ignore them.
Ignoring issues in a marital relationship will only weaken the bond further. What started with a small fight could end up in a divorce if the required effort is not put in to find the problems and resolve it. Every relationship is unique with its own distinct problems. However, there are some common signs that can tell you if your relationship is in trouble.
1. There Is A Lack Of Effort
When was the last time either of you cooked for each other? Even though this may be a small gesture, it makes a difference. Making an effort to please your spouse happy can make your relationship stronger. These efforts need not be materialistic, a simple act of love and affection will do the trick.
Just like other relationships, marriage is also about two people putting in equal effort to keep it going. A lack of effort, whether it is to please each other or solve an issue, can have a negative impact on your marriage. When everything becomes one-sided, the relationship needs some changes.
When either one of you doesn’t put any effort into the relationship, it can make the other person feel unwanted, which in turn can make your spouse drift away. If you sense the “it doesn’t matter anymore” attitude in your marriage, then it might be falling apart.
2. You Don’t Spend Time Together
Sometimes, not spending time together can affect the understanding and connection that a couple shares. When work, friends, family, and hobbies take most of your time, the couple starts moving away from each other and leads their own individual lives. This also causes a lack of communication, which is the root cause of most of your problems.
Ask yourself how much time you spend with each other every day? Do you know how your spouse’s day was? Not giving each other time will only lead to more problems, unless your re-prioritize.
3. There Is No “We” Anymore
Marriage is not about “I” it is about “we.” Unfortunately, when it becomes only about yourself, it is a sign that you are not satisfied with your relationship. Even though this may not be a conscious change, the lack of connection and love can make you selfish.
Taking charge shouldn’t always be one-sided, whether it is to buy things, handle a situation, or please the other person. Thinking only about yourself and your needs, instead of empathizing with your spouse can cause serious damage to your relationship.
4. Having Little Or No Intimacy
Are you too busy or tired to cuddle or even hug your partner? Intimacy or physical affection is what helps you bond with your partner. Marital intimacy is more than just sex. It is about connecting emotionally, physically, and mentally.
When intimacy becomes a thing of the past, the concern for one another also begins to die. If the constant fights and arguments are keeping you from being intimate, visit a therapist at the earliest. Petty fights are no reason to stop from being romantic. In fact, intimacy can be used as a tool to solve the differences with love. Waiting for the situation to correct itself instead of addressing immediately can make you more distant from your partner. Simple gestures like holding hands or going on a date can rekindle your relationship.
5. Either Of You Have Considered Having An Affair
People often think about having an affair outside their marriage when they are not happy with their partner. This also happens when they feel that the person can give them what their spouse cannot – physical or emotional. Sometimes, the thought of a new relationship might excite you or might want to connect with a person who is just like you.
Irrespective of what the reason may be, if you are your spouse thinks about being unfaithful, your marriage is in trouble. By doing this, the trust you have for each other becomes zero. Being unfaithful will not solve your marital problems, it only makes them worse.
6. You Argue About The Same Things Over And Over Again
Two people living together, without any arguments is impossible. It is not possible for two people, especially in a marriage, to have the same opinion on every single thing. But if you argue about the same thing you argued about the last night and the night before that, there are some serious problems that need to be resolved.
To get rid of these frequent arguments, you must respect the other person’s views and find a solution that suits both of you. Also, compromising is not always required as they can emotionally drain you. Imagine you compromising every time, it is more like you obeying what the other person says. If you or your spouse believe in giving the “silent treatment,” rather than finding a solution, be prepared for an emotional outburst. As a couple, you must resolve your differences immediately.
If you observe any of these signs in your relationship with your spouse, find ways to talk more to each other. The more a couple communicates, the easier it is to find solutions. You can also visit a councellor or a therapist to gain clarity about the real problem, if it exists.