A healthy sense of self-esteem is hard to come by nowadays, and it is unfortunate that so many people have bad experiences that end up negatively affecting their self-esteem.
Sometimes, important early experiences can mar a person’s self-esteem, while for some others, a traumatic event, such as a bad relationship, can alter how a person sees themselves later in life. However, a sense of low self-esteem eventually leads to a person not being able to value themselves. These people are good by heart, only want the best for others, but don’t realize that they are not valuing themselves enough through this.
Unfortunately, this means that other people believe that they also don’t have to value this person and appreciate them. This leads to toxic friendships and relationships that only eat away at any remaining self-esteem, leaving the person in a terrible state of mind, but not know what is going wrong. They may give important to everyone but themselves.
If you find that you do these things often, it might be time to re-evaluate how you regard yourself and work on your self-esteem:
1. You Make Excuses For Bad Behavior
It’s easy to know what bad behavior is, but you tend to make excuses for the person to justify why they did what they did. For example, if your partner openly insults you in front of a group of people, you may think they did it because they had a bad day and they didn’t really mean it.
A person behaves badly with you because they do not value you or your emotions, and when you let them continue with the bad behavior, it only shows them that you do not value yourself. In some ways, this gives them a free pass to continue treating you badly.
2. There Is A Mismatch Between You And Your Partners
You may have been told that the person you are with is not in the same league as you, or that you “date down” instead of being with someone who might be a better fit. People might even say to you that you deserve better. When other people are able to see that there is a mismatch, there is some truth attached to it.
You may date someone who is downright a terrible person because you believe that they deserve a chance, but there is a difference between dating someone genuine who deserves a chance and dating a person who does not value you.
Sometimes, we may even date people who are not “in the same league” because we think they can put us on a pedestal and this might make us feel better about ourselves, but this only ends up affecting the relationship and both the parties negatively in the long run. Your partner can become clingy, jealous and needy in an effort to maintain you, and this only leads to an unhealthy relationship.
3. You Hope To Change Someone Despite Red Flags
Red flags, like bad behavior, are easy to catch. For example, if a person goes through your phone in the second or third date, stating they were only curious, you might believe that you can help this person become better in the future. You might believe that as you lend them support and love, they will respect you and love you back. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case.
Red flags exist as a warning, and at the end of the day, people do not change for others, they change only when they believe they want to change. By supporting them despite red flags, you might actually enable them rather than change them.
4. You Sacrifice Too Much
In every relationship, there is a give and take. Some days, we have to give more than we get, but if you are always giving and never getting anything back, you are sacrificing yourself with no good outcome to it.
In a friendship, you might always be the one who makes the plans or makes the effort to text, but the person might never be available for you when you need them. In a relationship, you can constantly be making an effort to meet your partner’s needs but they never care about your needs. You might feel like they will see your sacrifice eventually and come to love you for it, but most people lost trust and respect for you if they feel you’re doing too much for them.
5. People Tell You You’re A “Doormat”
Be it jokingly or seriously, people might have told you that you’re a doormat, or that you’re “spineless” or in an effort to coat a bad term, they may tell you-you’re “too nice”. Most people who fall into this category are just good people that don’t know how to be assertive or have been treated badly enough in the past to believe that their needs shouldn’t matter.
It is important to know that you can be a nice person while still being assertive. If you feel like you aren’t able to control this behavior, or that you cannot seem to be assertive no matter what you try, therapy and psychological counseling can help you sort out your emotional issues and train you to become more assertive and confident.
6. You Might “Bribe” People To Hang Out With You
You know you’re a wonderful person, but you might also need to “bribe” people with tickets or dinners for them to hang out with you. When you feel lonely because you aren’t being treated properly, you want to go the extra mile so that you don’t feel so bad, but this tends to backfire most of the time.
Though you may have a good heart, many other people like to take advantage of the benefits but never want to be your friend and support you when you need it. The conveniently disappear when you want to talk about you, or when you bring up something about yourself. Low self-esteem can make your life miserable, but with the right kind of help, you can find a way to build it up again. Talking to a therapist, a mental health counselor, or even to a loved one like a mother or an aunt can help you to find yourself once again.
