There are few perspectives in life as raw, revealing, and quietly transformative as those offered by people standing at the edge of their final moments. For most of us, daily life passes in a familiar blur of routines, responsibilities, and expectations. But for hospice nurses who sit with patients during their last hours, the view is very different. They witness the emotional clarity that rises when time runs out. They hear the things people truly wish they had done differently. They listen to confessions that rarely surface during the rush of ordinary living.
One of these nurses is Laura M, a hospice and end of life caregiver who spent more than fifteen years accompanying patients through their final chapters. According to interviews, features, and firsthand accounts, she has sat beside more than three hundred people as they took their last breaths. In those quiet hours, she heard the same themes repeat across lives that were otherwise very different. Those facing death did not fear the end itself as much as the possibility that they had not lived as fully as they could have.
The reflections she recorded reveal seven common regrets shared by hundreds of her patients. Combined with the experiences of hospice nurses like Bronnie Ware and Julie McFadden, these patterns form a guide to how people make sense of their own stories when those stories are almost over. What follows is a deeper exploration of these final truths and what they might mean for those still living.
People Wish They Had Loved More and Differently
One of the strongest themes in Laura’s recordings centers on love, relationships, and the bonds people build over a lifetime. While achievements and arguments fade, the people patients cared about tend to remain firmly in view. Laura often describes the story of George, a ninety two year old World War II veteran who had not spoken to his brother for forty years. Whatever caused their argument no longer mattered to him. As he approached the end, he whispered that he had won the argument but lost a lifetime.
Across hundreds of final conversations, people rarely said they wished they had been tougher or less forgiving. Instead, they regretted the moments when pride or stubbornness outweighed connection. They remembered the people they missed, the apologies they never offered, the calls they postponed, and the relationships that faded out of neglect.
According to experts interviewed by Everyday Health, love is not simply an emotion but a practice that can be strengthened over time. It requires vulnerability, attention, and a willingness to repair rather than win. Many dying patients wished they had understood this sooner. For them, kindness would have been a better use of energy than being right.
Simple ways to reflect this regret now
- Reach out to someone you have drifted from and say something genuine.
- Choose connection over victory when conflict arises.
- Treat love as a daily practice, not something that happens automatically.
In the end, the relationships we invest in, protect, and nurture often become the clearest markers of a life well lived. The dying remind us that the smallest gestures can make the greatest difference, and that love is rarely wasted even when it feels difficult.
Many Saved Their Joy for Later and Later Never Came
Another common regret shared by Laura’s patients was postponing joy. People often waited for a better time, a safer moment, or the right milestone to allow themselves happiness. One retired engineer told Laura he was so afraid of becoming poor that he became rich in fear. He spent decades saving, sacrificing, and planning, only to die three months after retiring without ever enjoying the life he built.
This sense of joy postponed is echoed by many hospice nurses. Julie McFadden has said that countless patients regret working endlessly toward retirement only to reach it without the health or time to enjoy it. People often believe that happiness must be earned or delayed, but the dying tend to view joy as something meant to be woven into ordinary days rather than saved for a perfect future.
Fear of scarcity or uncertainty plays a major role in this regret. People may avoid small pleasures because they feel irresponsible or impractical. They might avoid vacations, hobbies, or even restful days because productivity seems safer. But when time becomes limited, they suddenly see how joy was pushed aside in the name of caution.
Ways to welcome joy into the present
- Allow yourself small pleasures without guilt, such as a quiet morning or a favorite meal.
- Take small trips or try new experiences, even if they are not extravagant.
- Enjoy what you have built rather than waiting for circumstances to be perfect.
Joy is not a reckless indulgence but a part of emotional wellbeing. The dying often wish they had given themselves permission to enjoy life earlier, and their reflections encourage others to avoid making the same mistake.
Forgiveness Often Brings More Relief Than Anything Else
Forgiveness is another powerful theme among those nearing the end of life. Many patients carried anger for decades. Others held onto resentment toward family members, partners, or friends. Laura recalls one woman who told her she could not die angry. When her estranged son arrived unexpectedly, she forgave him. Her breathing became calmer and she passed away half an hour later.
This final moment illustrates something hospice workers see often. People discover that forgiveness can ease emotional burdens in ways they could not imagine. It brings peace not because the other person deserves it, but because carrying anger becomes too heavy.
Julie McFadden has said that many patients who choose to forgive in their last days feel a noticeable sense of relief. They often experience smoother breathing, fewer signs of distress, and a calmer presence. Forgiveness allows them to let go of long held tension that has shaped their emotional lives.
Forgiveness does not always lead to reconciliation. Sometimes the person is no longer alive. Sometimes it is not safe to reconnect. But even in those cases, patients often reflect that letting go of resentment helped them feel more at peace with themselves.
Small steps toward forgiveness
- Write a letter expressing your feelings even if you never send it.
- Allow yourself to release anger without expecting anything in return.
- Recognize that forgiveness is not about forgetting but about choosing peace.
These reflections remind us that unresolved anger can shape a life in ways people might not notice until their final days. Forgiveness, even in private, can be a meaningful act of self compassion.
The Best Things in Life Truly Are Free
As people approached their last hours, many expressed longing not for possessions or achievements but for simple sensory moments. Laura recalls patients who said they would miss the smell of rain, the sound of birds in the early morning, or the breath of a beloved pet resting nearby. One former CEO told her he had mistaken being busy for being alive.
These reflections reveal a shift in perspective that often occurs near the end of life. When stripped of distractions and obligations, people realize that some of the most meaningful experiences are the ones they once took for granted. Nature, companionship, touch, and quiet conversation take on a new significance.
Bronnie Ware, the palliative care nurse who wrote The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, heard similar sentiments from patients. Many wished they had appreciated their ordinary days more, including their health, mobility, and routines. They discovered that happiness often lives in the simplest moments.
Noticing the simple things today
- Spend a few minutes outside each day without your phone.
- Practice noticing small experiences that bring comfort or joy.
- Create moments of stillness in your week to reconnect with yourself.
The dying often reflect that much of life’s beauty is easy to overlook. Their regrets show that slowing down and appreciating small joys can create a richer and more memorable life.
Regrets About the Things Left Undone
One of the heaviest regrets patients shared was not taking chances or pursuing opportunities. Laura recorded the words of a patient who said he did not regret failing, but regretted never auditioning. This simple statement captures the weight of possibility left unexplored.
People often choose stability over risk, and in many cases that choice makes sense. But when time becomes short, the question of what might have been grows louder. Patients remembered dreams they abandoned, talents they never explored, and roads they avoided because they were afraid to fail.
Psychological research supports this theme. Studies show that people tend to regret inaction more deeply and persistently than action. A missed opportunity can linger in the mind for decades because the person can imagine endless alternative outcomes that will never be known.
Bronnie Ware heard similar reflections. Patients wished they had pursued personal dreams instead of doing what was expected of them. Some felt they had lived their lives for others rather than following their own paths. These realizations often surfaced only when there was no more time to try again.
Steps to reduce long term regret
- Identify one dream or goal you have postponed and take one small step toward it.
- Allow yourself to explore new interests without worrying about perfection.
- Reflect on what matters most to you rather than what is expected of you.
The dying teach an important lesson about courage. Even small risks can create memories, growth, and meaning. Avoiding them can create a quiet ache that becomes sharper with time.
Presence Matters More Than People Realize
Another powerful theme Laura recorded is the regret of being physically present but emotionally distant. She often said that the saddest sound in a hospice ward was not a heart monitor but a phone vibrating beside an empty chair. One father told her he spent years being somewhere else even when he was at home.
Modern life is filled with distractions. Technology allows constant connection, but it also divides attention. People juggle work, notifications, and mental to do lists even while sitting with loved ones. Many dying patients regretted the moments they missed simply because their minds were elsewhere.
Julie McFadden encourages people to practice presence as a habit. This means listening fully, participating in conversations without distractions, and experiencing meals or activities without multitasking. These small acts create memories and deepen relationships.
The dying often say they wish they had been more present during ordinary days. They missed quiet moments with family, meaningful conversations, and simple evenings that passed unnoticed.
Bringing more presence into your life
- Set aside short periods each day with no screens or multitasking.
- Practice listening without planning your response.
- Treat ordinary moments as opportunities to connect.
Presence may seem simple, but it forms the foundation of many of the memories people treasure most. The dying remind us that attention is one of the most powerful gifts we can offer.
Peace Comes When People Stop Pretending
The final common regret Laura observed was the weight of pretending. Many patients spent years shaping themselves to fit expectations, suppressing their true feelings, or hiding parts of themselves to avoid judgment. But as their lives approached their end, these masks often fell away. One woman removed her wig and said she was finally done pretending.
Authenticity is challenging because it requires vulnerability. People may fear rejection, criticism, or disappointing others. But according to those near death, the emotional cost of hiding is greater than the risk of being honest. Patients wished they had expressed their feelings more clearly, pursued their real interests, and allowed others to see who they truly were.
Bronnie Ware heard similar regrets during her years in palliative care. Many of her patients wished they had been brave enough to live according to their own values rather than trying to meet external expectations. They discovered that happiness often requires authenticity.
Embracing honesty in small ways
- Express a feeling you have been holding back.
- Allow yourself to pursue an interest simply because it matters to you.
- Let someone see you without the need for perfection or approval.
When people stop pretending, they often find freedom and peace. The dying remind us that authenticity creates connection and allows a life to feel genuinely lived.
A Gentle Reminder for the Living
The wisdom shared by those at the end of life offers a gentle but powerful invitation. It encourages us to examine our routines, our priorities, and the choices we make without thinking. It asks us to consider whether we are living in a way we will feel at peace with when our own final moments arrive.
Deathbed regrets are not warnings meant to frighten. They are reminders of what becomes most important when everything else falls away. In these quiet reflections we can find a map for living more intentionally, more courageously, and more meaningfully today.
By learning from those who have already walked to the edge, we can begin shaping lives that feel fuller, richer, and more deeply aligned with who we truly are.
