Men are from Mars while women are from Venus, which means that each has his/her own way of communicating and handling a relationship. There are a lot of factors to consider when trying to maintain a healthy relationship, and having the ability to listen is one of them. We cannot communicate well and understand each other without listening. Often, we can have trouble with our partners though because listening is not a trait that is present in everyone. Moreover, since men and women are wired differently, a lot of women feel like their partners aren’t listening to them enough and use strategies that are unhelpful in an effort to get them to listen, such as arguing and blaming. After a point, it is natural to feel angry that someone is not listening to you despite every healthy effort, so you resort to unhelpful tactics. There are other ways to try to get your partner to listen to you though.
1. Alert Him
If you want to talk to your partner about something important, it would help to alert him. Saying something like “Hey, something has been on my mind and I would like to talk about it” can let him know that what you have to say is important, and helps him to understand that he needs to make time. For men, listening doesn’t always come naturally as it does to women, but they do understand when they are required to be there. Altering him will make sure both of you give the discussion the attention and time it needs.
2. Choose A Convenient Time
Choosing the right time makes all the difference in how what you say will be received. No one is good at multitasking, and if you approach someone when they’re watching something they’re really into or playing a video game, he will not give you his full attention. When you choose the time, make sure that there are no distractions around, and keep away from major distractions like the phone or the laptop. Choosing the right time also shows your partner that you respect their time. If you are constantly approaching them when they are doing something enjoyable or important, they will also not feel like listening to you. The right time can help both of you have a fruitful discussion without bringing negative emotions, such as anger or irritation, into it.
3. Try To Open On A Positive Note
If you’re angry or frustrated, it might be difficult for you to find something positive to open on but doing so will definitely set a better tone for the upcoming conversation. Opening on something positive doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to praise your partner, but staying away from the negative and trying to mature about what is coming up. For example, saying something like “You never listen, I know that, but I am fed up of it and need you to give me this time” will be really unhelpful. Instead saying something like “I think we have a problem in our relationship, and I believe that we can fix it together and make it better if we can just sit down and talk about it together” can show your partner that you aren’t there to attack them, but rather that you need to talk to them.
4. Ask For What You Need
Men aren’t always the best at picking up hints and cryptic messages, so being direct might be the best method. Often, for example, if a woman tells a men her problems, he wants to solve them for her. He may not realize that she just wants a shoulder to lean on, or just wants to vent her frustration. No one can read minds, so it is important you tell your partner exactly what you need at the time of the talk. Being direct solves a lot of problems and keeps misunderstandings at bay.
5. Make It Simple
If there is a lot on your mind and a lot of things you haven’t said, it can be easy to lose track and mix up a lot of the topics you want to approach. However, trying to make your language easier to understand and keeping the things you say simple and to the point can help men to hear exactly what you are saying. Women are emotional creatures and can understand what a friend needs behind everything they say, but men aren’t exactly wired to look beyond what is being said. Keeping it simple will help you to express better and him to understand better.
6. Stick To The Subject
In the middle of an argument, it can be really tempting to dredge up old fights and point out every thing that has hurt you in the past, but doing so only makes your partner lose focus on what is being discussed at hand. It is natural for you to lash out when you are angry, but sticking to the subject that is being discussed can help to solve one problem before going onto another. Moreover, if everything about the past keeps coming up every time you try to talk to your partner, he assumes that you are doing this to complain about him and not to solve problems. It can be really difficult to always stay on the topic, but exercising that self control can be helpful in the long run. If you have been hurt or misunderstood in the past, make some time to talk about it at a later time.
Finally, try to be as patient as possible. If you have just finished discussing an important topic, give your partner the space to mull over everything that has been said. It might take him some time to fully understand the consequences of his actions, or he might just need that time to get more perspective about what has happened in the past. It might be difficult sometimes to just let him be without knowing what he is thinking, but with the right partner, it is always worth it in the end.