It is completely natural for you to be curious about sex and what the whole ride entails, especially if you’re yet to get down to business. And no matter how much information you manage to accumulate courtesy the internet, books, and movies, it will still never be enough until you actually do the deed.
Losing your virginity is a big deal – both for men and women, so it’s advisable to stay prepared for it as much as you can. Staying informed about sex and everything that comes with it can help alleviate some of the nervousness that you feel in the pit of your stomach.
How Do You Define Sex?
Most us believe sex involves penetration. But there a lot of people who have different views about what sex really is. There are other ways to have sex that doesn’t necessarily involve penetration. These need to be taken into consideration too when talking about sex and losing one’s virginity. Every person has his or her own definition of sexual intercourse. This outlook is influenced by a whole bunch of very personal factors like background, societal influence, and sexual orientation. There are also raging debates on what ‘love’ really means and how it is strongly linked to sex.
What Exactly Happens To Your Body When You Have Sex?
Contrary to popular belief, sex is not as simple as stimulation, neither is it restricted to your genitalia. Of course, we all know the basics. Your vagina gets wet and slippery, the penis gets hard and stands up straight, the vagina expands, the penis goes in, a little back and forth, and then the big “O.”
The truth is, sex is so much more than that. In fact, scientists decided to divide the entire process into four stages, i.e., arousal, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Every stage has its own set of changes.
The Four Stages Of The Sexual Response Cycle
- Excitement: This stage is characterized by an increased blood flow to the genitals that results in an erect penis in men and a slightly swollen clitoris, vulva, and vagina in women. It also involves an accelerated heart beat rate and breathing. While the vagina produces lubrication, the penis may produce pre cum. Women may also have an increased blood flow to their breasts that cause their nipples to become hard and erect.
- Plateau: During this stage, the responses of your body which began in the excitement phase, continue to intensify. This may cause more vaginal lubrication and flushed skin in women, while men face similar flushes and hardening of the nipples. There is also an increase in the overall muscle tension in both genders. The woman’s clitoris usually becomes extremely sensitive at this point, to the extent that it may even cause a little pain.
- Orgasm: This is the shortest stage of the sexual response cycle, lasting for only between 10 – 25 seconds. Both men and women experience a sudden release of tension – a result of multiple involuntary muscle contractions. While women feel these contractions in the vagina, uterus, and rectum, men usually find themselves experiencing them in their prostate regions, often leading to semen ejaculation.
- Resolution: This is when the body slowly restores itself to its normal state. Men gradually lose their erection and need to take a breather before engaging in sexual activity again. Most women, however, can quickly recover and revisit the orgasm stage as many times as they want. This is particularly true if the first orgasm happened vaginally or elsewhere or if they continue to experience stimulation in areas other than the clitoris.
Note: Modern research recommends a different sexual response cycle for women, and it’s not just because they have the ability to experience a continuous series of plateau and orgasm. Unlike in the case of men, just arousal isn’t often enough for women. There are broader concepts to consider, like those of desire, or of “being in the mood” (usually related to the intensity of their attraction for the partner).
4 Biggest Myths About Losing Your Virginity Busted
Now that we know about the physical changes that your body goes through during the act of sex, let’s take a look at some popular myths. You want to make sure you clear your head of all these unnecessary thoughts when you’re losing your V-card.
1. It’s Going To Be The Same Every Time
No, it’s not. Whether your first time was good, bad, or something in between, it’s not going to set the tone for the rest of your sex life. This is especially important to remember if losing your virginity was involved with any kind of abuse, assault, or coercion. How or when you lose your virginity, or what your first time was like says nothing about the person you are. You have all the right to decide what “losing your virginity” means — whether that’s the first time you had consensual sex, the first time you had great sex, or the first time you had any sex at all.
2. It’s Just Like It Is In The Movies
No, it most certainly isn’t. There are plenty of books and movies that paint a very rosy picture of what losing one’s virginity feels like. However, losing your virginity in real life can be far less glamorous, and may not even be as romantic.
3. There’s Going To Be Plenty Of Blood And Pain
No, this isn’t true. You may think your sheets will end up drenched in blood. While many women do bleed quite a bit, there is also an equally high chance that you won’t see anything at all. Every vagina has a hymen which is just tissue inside the vagina. The amount of this tissue varies from woman to woman; in fact, in some rare cases, women are not even born with a hymen. First-time penetration will cause this hymen to tear which may or may not cause bleeding. Because of the delicate nature of the hymen, it is possible for it to tear even before you have sex for the first time, especially if you’re one who indulges in a lot of physical activity. In this case, you’ve probably already lost your virginity to the swimming pool when you were 12.
If you’re having sex for the first time and it involves penetration, expect a little pain or pressure. That being said, the overall experience should still be good, and you definitely don’t have to worry about it feeling like you’ve been stabbed. If you’re in pain, stop immediately, for it’s a sign that you’re either in need of more lubrication or foreplay, or that you’re simply not as ready as you thought you were.
4. You’re Definitely Going To Orgasm
No, not necessarily. Women are, in fact, less likely to orgasm during their first time as compared to men. Reaching an orgasm when having sex for the first time depends on a whole lot of factors like having sex with someone you know and are comfortable with, the amount of foreplay, and not just thinking of penetration and the orgasm itself as the end goal. Also, some people take years to figure out how to get themselves to orgasm when having sex with a partner – so be patient. Your time will come.
What Is Likely To Happen Once You Lose Your Virginity
Now here are a few hard facts about what things could be like after you have sex for the first time.
1. It May Change Your Relationship
This is especially true if both you and your partner were virgins. You’ll be surprised to find out how sex can just shift the dynamic of your relationship overnight. You may be plagued by troublesome questions about how many times you ought to be doing it, or whether it’s alright to not be in the mood for sex every time you meet your partner.
While it may be a little awkward in the beginning, talking to your partner is usually the best way to go about finding the answers to your questions.
2. You Could Look Younger And Happier
Sex and intimate touching have far more health benefits than you can ever imagine – from glowy acne-free skin and weight loss to a stronger immune system and improved brain power.
All of this, along with the obvious fact that good sex raises your dopamine levels – will come together to make you look and feel happier and much more youthful.
3. No One Can Really Tell If You’ve Lost It
Sure, losing your virginity may suddenly make you feel like an adult or a completely different person altogether. But apart from lending your face a subtle happy glow (if you were lucky enough to have great sex that is!), losing your virginity won’t change your physical appearance in any way so don’t expect people to figure it out by taking one look at your face.
4. It’s Still Possible To Get Pregnant
If you’re losing your virginity and it involves penile penetration and ejaculation – you most certainly could get pregnant. This is why it is absolutely crucial that you think through the kind of birth control you want to use and always use protection.
Note: It would be a good idea to talk about this with your partner since it’s important for both people to know what the repercussions could be. It’s strongly advisable to have this “talk” before you get naked, obviously.
5. The Sex Will Just Get Better
The more quality time you spend with your partner, the more you’ll know about the things that he or she likes the most. It’s all about getting comfortable with each other. Practice makes perfect, and in this case, things will most certainly get steamier.