Our sex lives can range from exciting and passionate, to loving and gentle, to downright non-existent. When it comes to physical connection, sex is the marker, but how couples have sex can really say a lot about the rest of their relationship as well. Look out for these signs in your sex life that tell you what’s truly happening in your relationship.
1. You Crave Something More When It Comes To Sex
Over time, it’s normal for us to experience a difference in the way we view and desire sex. For example, as women get older, their sexuality changes with menopause and other reproductive changes but it doesn’t disappear.1 You might get anxious when you think “Is that all there is to sex?” This is definitely normal but it’s a sign that you and your partner need to explore more options in the bedroom. Perhaps you’ve just fallen into a routine and know what to expect when you both get down to it. You can talk about introducing new things, such as sex toys, different positions, perhaps even role-play. If these don’t work, you can even try talking to a sex therapist to find methods personal to both of you. But always remember to be sensitive so that your partner doesn’t feel that he or she is inadequate for you in any way.
2. You See Sex As A Chore
Sex is no longer about pleasing your partner. At one point, both of you would have wanted to make sure the other is having the best time that they possibly could. Now it feels more like a duty than anything else. It’s as tiresome and dull as folding the laundry. You do it just so you can appease yourselves into thinking that you still do have sex so it’s not all that bad
3. You Try To Make Your Partner Climax Quickly
This isn’t the same thing as a quickie when you’re both so overcome by passion that you need to do it right then and there. When you’re consistently trying to get your partner to orgasm quickly, you’re trying to get it over with. This signals that you’d much rather get on with doing your own thing than actually connect with your partner. You need to introspect and find out why this may be so because this isn’t fair to you or your significant other.
4. You Never Have Intimate Slow Sex
All couples have those moments where they just want to slam each other into a wall and be animals about it. But it’s also important to have gentle, loving sex, where it’s more about emotionally and intimately connecting with your partner. If this isn’t something that happens often, and it’s almost always just rough, wild, and quick, it’s worth looking at why. Perhaps one or both of you are afraid of true physical and emotional intimacy which reflects in your sex life.
5. You Are Faking It Regularly
Everyone fakes it every now and then when you know it just isn’t going to happen. And you’d rather just fake it than face your partner’s disappointment and dejection. But when you find yourself faking it more often than not, that’s definitely a red flag. Your partner is living in a false sense of happiness that they have satisfied you, while you are overridden with guilt. Having an open conversation is important for both of you. If you can’t have a comfortable open conversation about sex, that’s another red flag. Honesty is extremely important. Talking about not being able to orgasm opens up doors for experimentation that may help satisfy both you and your partner.2
If you notice any of these signs in your own relationship perhaps it’s time to take a closer look. All these signs call for better communication within your relationship. You both should be able to sit down together and have an open conversation without arguing. Both of you need to voice your needs and both of you will need to listen.
|↑1||For women, sexuality changes with age but doesn’t disappear. Harvard Health Publications.|
|↑2||“Faking it” for years wants to come clean. Columbia University.|