Divorce is pretty common. In fact, about half of all first marriages end in divorce, and you probably know several people who have gone through it.1 This may even include you.
The reasons vary from couple to couple. You might think of the big ones: cheating, abuse, or marrying too young. But there are also not-so-obvious causes, too.
Think about it. When you fall in love with someone, it’s the accumulation of the little things. Everything adds up over time. It’s not much different with divorce.
If you’re married, or soon-to-be married, remember these nine potential reasons. Keeping them in mind might save the future of your relationship.
9 Reasons Of Divorce That Nobody Talks About
1. Not Listening
Good communication depends on listening. However, if neither of you will take the time to listen, the relationship will fail.
Truly listen to your spouse. It doesn’t matter if the topic is good, bad, or in between. They’ll feel more appreciated if you’re mentally present.2
2. Less And Less Alone Time
Life can be really busy. It gets even crazier when you add kids to the picture. But if a couple never spends time alone, they’ll grow apart.
To prevent this, reserve one night each week to reconnect. Have a nice dinner, or do an activity that you both love. It’s worth hiring a babysitter for a bit.
3. Fighting Over Chores
Are the chores important? Yes. Are they worth starting a fight over? Never. But when couples constantly fight over the chores, it’s a recipe for disaster.
Instead of pointing fingers, let your spouse know how it makes you feel. It’ll make more of an impact. For instance, replace “You’re so bad at doing this” with “I feel stressed when you don’t follow through.” If they truly care, they will make an effort.
4. Unfair Expectations
Similarly, setting outrageous expectations will end in divorce. This includes wanting someone to be something they’re not. If people don’t accept each other’s flaws, the marriage will fail.
It’s exactly why it pays to move slow and get to know someone. Over time, you can learn about all sides of a person before marrying them.
5. Obsession With Work
Working too much is another reason behind the divorce. Sure, it’ll bring home a paycheck. But it can divert attention away from loved ones.
Work-life balance is essential. This will allow for more alone time, and prevent the relationship from suffering.
6. Too Much Screen Time
Social media addiction is real. Most people, after all, are attached to smartphones. It takes them away from genuinely spending time with people – including, significant others.
To make matters worse, social media can fuel those unrealistic expectations. It’s easy to get jealous of other people’s “perfect” lives.
Take time to disconnect. Avoid spending dinners in silence, scrolling on your phone. Turn it off and have a conversation.
Being dependable is a good thing. Being co-dependent, on the other hand, is not. This happens when couples become so consumed with each other’s lives. The result? A lack of individuality. It’s a set-up for arguments and grudges against the other person.
To avoid co-dependency, hold on to your friends and hobbies. Don’t throw your life away when you start a relationship. It’ll take extra effort, but maintaining your independence is crucial. You must accept responsibility for your own happiness.3
8. Lack Of Humility
Another reason is the inability to admit that you’re wrong. If one (or both) people can’t do this, divorce is inevitable.
9. Never Trying Anything New
Humans love routine, but sometimes, it gets stagnant. This is how people get comfortable or bored. Avoiding new things can lead to divorce.
You don’t need to ditch your favorite activities! Yet, making new plans can maintain that spark and curiosity. Ideas include cooking classes, hikes, and drive-in movies.
Every relationship is different. If you are truly unhappy, don’t be ashamed of divorce. It’ll be sure to open up new doors.
|↑1||Copen, Casey E., Kimberly Daniels, Jonathan Vespa, and William D. Mosher. “First marriages in the United States: data from the 2006–2010 National Survey of Family Growth.” National health statistics reports 49, no. 1 (2012): 1-22.|
|↑2, ↑5||Counseling Services. Kansas State University.|
|↑3, ↑4||Healthy Relationships. University of Oregon.|