We are defined by our emotions and often we are very quick to emote. Our ability to emote is a gift that nature has given us. Unfortunately, humans are still figuring this gift out. We have a gift of gab that we use to communicate with others. This allows us to form relationships with others. But this gift can often misfire, if we don’t know how to use it. Effective communication is a tool that can enable us to have great relationships and a fewer misunderstandings with others. We often fail at communicating effectively because we are always bursting with emotions. We often try to get rid of our emotions when they are uncomfortable by expressing them too quickly. And we often end up hampering our relationships by doing so.
Many relationship experts have started using a communication device called OYE (Own Your Experience) to help people better their communication skills. This enables people to understand the impact of their words and it allows them to take ownership of all their thoughts. It has been very powerful in changing the way people interact with others.
OYE allows us to be responsible for our thoughts and actions. It empowers us to not blame others for our perceived realities that we often project onto others. When we can separate our emotions and thoughts from what others have done; we can communicate better. There are three small things that OYE suggests us to do to improve our communication in our relationships in order to have more intimacy.
1. Channelize Your Energy
There is a free-flowing energy in all of us that changes as per our moods. So, when we are angry, we always try to get rid of that energy because it makes us uncomfortable. But experts recommend that we should instead try to compose ourselves in these moments. We should allow ourselves to feel connected to our emotions and think over it for sometime before we try to get rid of them. We should channelize our palpable energy into understanding our emotions, instead of getting rid of them. And then we can express them effectively without a surge of our emotional energy.
2. Understanding The Impact
Words are very impactful. The ripples of the effect of our spoken words can go farther than we can imagine. So, it is important that we choose and use them carefully. You need to be aware of how your partner feels and empathize with him or her before you say something. This will allow you to be more thoughtful of your words and how you use them in a statement.
3. Own Your Statements
People feel frustrated with their partners in relationships all the times. This frustration can often lead to fights and a nasty blame-game. “You know you make me so mad”, is an example of what people say to communicate what they are feeling in a fight. But if you see that statement, it is not expressing one’s feelings. That statement is only blaming the other person for whatever one is feeling. These kinds of statements are ineffective in communicating our feelings. Hence, experts suggest that we should start using ‘I’ in our statements to communicate better by owning our emotions. Similarly, the above statement can be framed differently like, ‘I am feeling angry as I feel like you are not understanding me”. Now this statement effectively communicates a person’s emotions sans the blame. Also, when we use ‘I’ in our statements, we are expressing our emotions that cannot be challenged.
Owning our sentiments would leave less room for counterarguments. “You are happy”, this is a statement that requires to be confirmed by others to be completely true. Similarly, when we make statements about others, those can be challenged. But when we speak about our experience, it is a truth that cannot be refuted.
We need to think before we speak and not the other way around. If you can establish this habit, you will be able to communicate effectively with your partner. Intimacy is a deep connection that one feels with his or her partner and it comes with good communication.