As a woman, it’s no news that orgasms are hard to reach when you’re having sex. Going solo frequently brings the right results, but achieving orgasm through intercourse seems next to impossible. Maybe you’re completely dependent on sex toys now to help you achieve the satisfaction, and why not if they’re super successful in helping you. For all you know, However, orgasming during sex isn’t as far-fetched as it seems, and there are a wide range of factors that ultimately contribute to it during sex. For women, the state of mind matters as much as the physical part during sex.
For men, orgasm is mainly physical because it is vital for the release of sperm. Moreover, though sex is an innate need for both men and women, a higher number of men need the physical gratification when compared to women. This again could be due to the fact that reaching orgasm is so difficult for women. Since women are much more emotional in nature than men, sex also becomes an emotional affair for a large number of women. A woman needs to feel intimate both physically and mentally with her partner to be able to enjoy sex 100%. In the end, the orgasm is as much about the mind as it is about the body.
One of the most important factors to consider is how comfortable a woman feels about her body when she is with herself. A lot of women feel like masturbation is a “dirty” or “unnatural” thing, and never really explore their pleasure centers and erogenous zones by themselves. This makes sex a difficult process for both the woman and her partner. Each woman is different and has different preferences, so one spot won’t work the same way for 2 women. Self exploration is the key to sexual pleasure, because only you know what works and what doesn’t for you, and you need to guide your partner based on this. Opening a channel of communication with your partner can make it easier for both of you to explore together, and can be a great boost to your sex life.
Emotional State Of Mind
It can also be hard for a woman to open up completely during sex because of her own past as well as her insecurities. Social media and the like tend to make a woman feel unattractive and unworthy of being naked for example, or a particularly harsh past relationship with a partner or a friend can leave her emotionally wounded. Even if a woman is able to explore herself and reach orgasm during masturbation, these scars can still affect how she enjoys sex with a partner. These types of mental blocks need to be overcome in order to work towards orgasm during sex. If you answer yes to a majority of these questions, you may want to talk to your partner about how you can deal with the problem together:
- Have you ever wished that your partner was more turned on by you? Have you wanted your partner to be more expressive and affectionate about how he/she feels about you?
- Have you had to compromise on your desires to be with somebody who hasn’t treated you well despite your efforts?
- Have you ever compromised on what you wanted because you were stuck with the wrong person and didn’t feel like you could survive being alone?
- Have you ever had to leave your desires behind in a relationship because you believed you didn’t deserve anything more?
- Have you ever decided to stay in a relationship despite not being able to trust the person?
- Have you felt emotionally devoid or numb when in a relationship?
- Did you ever fake an orgasm so that you could just get it over with?
- Have you ever held back emotionally to protect yourself when you meet someone new?
- Have you had sex just to please someone, despite you feeling turned off and upset?
- When you’re so emotionally compromised, is it a surprise that you find it hard to reach an orgasm?
If you answer “yes” to most of these questions, and the relationship you are in is making you feel this way, it might be time to approach a therapist or get some help to work through the emotional problems with your partner. If a past relationship has made you feel this way and you are with a better partner now, it might be time for you to talk about this together and find a solution. Orgasms aren’t a myth, and an honest and open communication channel could be the only thing standing in the way of you and an amazing sex life.