Parents of teenagers… nothing you do ever seems to cut it, right? All of us agree that it is a tough job. Even though you give your best, your teens may consider you the worst parents in the world. You and your kids maintain a fluctuating relationship throughout their adolescence. Welcome to the club! There are many other parents like you who struggle to continue the happy and loving bond with their kids during the teen stage. Well, no need to worry or panic. This is just another stage of parenting and if you make some smart moves you will be regarded as a good parent-cum-friend by your teenagers. Here you go.
Do Not Violate Their Privacy
Teenage years are the time to give them some leeway. Anything and everything your kids do is not your business. Respect the boundaries set by them. But at the same time, keep an eye on them, making sure that they are not into any bad habits. And there is a need for confidentiality in the relationship. If they open up and tell you about their fears and worries, do not go around sharing it with your parent’s gang. It will result in a trust deficit and there begins an endless fight.
Pick Your Battles Wisely
Most parents have an innate gift to find mistakes in whatever a teenager does. This is a common fault of parents. It is very important to choose your battles. If they are up to something dangerous or if they try to harm themselves, then you need to step in. But, do not nag them all the time pointing out their irresponsible nature. They are in their teenage years – a stage where they try to establish their identity and freedom. If it is not about a serious matter, you can keep mum at times. And unless and until it is about a big, bad gang that is up to no good, do not criticize their friends.
Wait For The Right Moment
Trying to get into a conversation with your teenager? The only answer you get is a sullen “yes” or “no.” Don’t despair. You may have the talent to get your most introverted colleague to talk. But that is not the case with a teenage kid. You need to seize the right moment. Do not jump into a Q&A session immediately, when you notice something wrong. Catch them off guard when they are relaxed. And slowly build up the conversation, instead of straight away seeking an answer for your doubts.
Don’t Be Bossy
You hate to take orders from your boss. How do you expect a teenager to take orders from you? Oh, yes, you are his/her parent. Do not walk around with that badge when you are with an adolescent son or daughter. The first thing they hate about you is this constant reminder, ‘I am your parent’, that comes after every piece of advice. Imagine how you feel, when your boss says it in a crabby voice, “I am your boss here.” So, avoid being bossy. Be a benevolent boss, who is genuine in his/ her decision. Sympathize with your kids when a situation arises. And when you set out rules, make them understand the purpose of the rule.
Express Your Love
The thumb rule for any relationship! Do not hide your feelings from them. Tell them often that you love them. Yes, we know the way they behave at times stops you from saying that. But, that is just a momentary feeling. You know for sure that you will never hate your kids for any reason. Spend time with them. Eat meals together. Show interest in calling their friends home for dinners and sleepovers. For teenagers, any special love shown to their friends is a recognition for them. Try to be flexible. And when they demonstrate responsibility, appreciate them and reward them with a little more freedom.
When all is said and done, we agree that it is a challenging task. It will drain your emotional health more than physical. Developing a loving rapport with a teenager seems to be a herculean task. But slowly, and surely, you will get there. The best thing is to recollect your own teen years. You will realize that those messy rooms or funky clothes or that weird hair color are all part of growing up. Most importantly, be a role model to your teenager in words and action. Happy parenting!
