Did you ever look at an avocado and wonder why people find this weird looking fruit so delicious? But when you finally took that first bite of its creamy, oily vegetable infused butter-like flesh, you probably understood why the world practically worships it. But avocados being tasty is not the point we’re trying to make here. What we’re trying to really say, is that you never know a lot of things until you give it that first try, and these include things that turn you on.
If you can’t understand what really does it for you, sex will be nothing but a chore. Plus it further brings down your chances of that ever-elusive ‘Big O’ that we women already have enough trouble achieving as it is.
If you’re new to sex, it’s completely okay to not have the answers as to what turns you on. But you’re going to want to figure it out eventually so that you can enjoy your right to some really great nookies. Here’s what you can do.
How To Figure Out What Turns You On
1. Open Up Dialogue
With A Sex Therapist
Plenty of us stay mum about anything about sex that bothers us because it’s a private matter. We feel embarrassed to talk about our bedroom blues. However, opening up to a sex therapist may work for you. This is because sometimes we find it easier to talk to a stranger about our sex life. We take comfort in the fact that they don’t know us well enough to judge us.
A sex therapist will encourage you to explore your body first, and may even suggest you use sex toys on yourself to help you do this. You may also be advised to learn how to masturbate and see what gives you an orgasm.
2. Think About Your Fantasies
Close your eyes for a moment. Think about what scenario is more appealing to you – is it slow romantic sex by scented candles? Or is it the rough, impromptu kind where pretty much any surface will do? Do you think about being tied down and teased, or do you actually prefer it being the other way around with your partner being subjected to your teasing?
Analyzing your favorite sexual fantasy can help wake up your sleeping vagina; maybe even set it on fire. And if they can have this effect on you, imagine how much more satisfying they’d be if you tried them in real life!
That being said, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you if you realize you have no fantasies or think about sex regularly. There are lots of people who don’t need fantasies for a healthy sex life, or they could even have some really straightforward ones like thinking about trying a new position in bed. So even if it’s something as simple as
3. Experiment With Yourself
So what if you get squeamish at the very thought of your bae exploring your body? You can still be comfortable enough to do it yourself! After all, you can’t pleasure your body until you get to know it better.
And while it may not be possible to try out everything on your own, you can still have yourself covered when it comes to some basic requirements – for instance, do you like a rough, determined-to-ravish-your-body touch or are you more into slower sex.
4. Communicate With Your Partner
Once you’ve got your basics covered, talk to your partner about it so that he gets a fair idea of what gets you going in bed. You may be a little embarrassed about acknowledging your fantasies to both yourself or to your significant other, especially if you’re new to sex. You may also be a little afraid as to what your fantasies might say about you – for instance, if you have voyeuristic fantasies you may worry that you may come across as someone ‘perverted,’ or that your bondage-submission fantasies may come off as ‘frightening.’
The key is to understand that fantasies are just adult role-playing. They’re perfectly harmless for they let you explore and take on other aspects of your personality without any commitment. So they don’t really ‘mean anything’ or say anything about you as a person.
Clear, direct communication and honesty is always the only gold standard for relationships and sex. There is no clear-cut time as to when to bring up such conversations, though it would
How to talk to your partner: Remember, your partner may say no, so be prepared for a little disappointment. But while he has the right to refuse, he doesn’t need to belittle you for having sexual fantasies. If the former happens, gently ask to find out why, and discuss if there is any way to downplay the intensity of the fantasy if that’s what’s psyching him out. If it’s the latter, take it as a warning that your relationship is treading on unhealthy territory.
The next time you’re watching television with him, why not ask him casually what he thinks about trying a new position (if ‘reverse cowgirl’ is something that interests you), or if he thinks whether a woman taking control in bed is sexy (if you have a fantasy about tying your man up and doing dirty things to him)? Ask him questions in such a way
5. Visit A Doctor
It is true that only 15-20 percent of all women reach an orgasm during intercourse, and even then, there is a lot of work that goes into achieving it. However, it is possible that if you’ve been having sex for a while and have never achieved an orgasm – either through manual, oral or vibratory stimulation, you could have anorgasmia.
Most people end up with anorgasmia because of psychological or cultural factors. However, there could be other medical concerns that could be responsible. There could be plenty of causes of anorgasmia such as hormonal imbalances, the consumption of