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There’s sex, and then there’s sex that deals out bed-shattering orgasms, sometimes even one after the other. And while sex is not all about orgasms, everyone deserves a proper experience of what the view from the ‘top’ feels like. So far, you may have only had a preview, and even that piece of knowledge is owed to books like Mills & Boon and porn sites. After all, that material on woman curling their toes and clawing at the sheets and screaming their wits out is bound to make you obsessed with having an orgasm of your own to at least see what all the hype’s about.
But before you proceed to figure that out, you need to know that unlike in the movies, porn, and books – where any man seems to make any woman turn into a human waterfall within seconds, things in real life are a lot more complicated. Statistics claim that only 15-20 percent of all women really ever reach an orgasm during intercourse, and even then, there is a lot of work that goes into achieving it.
So you need to stop thinking there’s something wrong with either you or your partner. The more you worry, the more it makes you obsess over wanting to get to an orgasm. Because your mind is preoccupied, you can’t focus on the present which then makes that orgasm seem all the more elusive, and in turn, makes you even more frustrated. It’s a vicious cycle, trust us. Don’t go there.
Now that we’ve got the disclaimer out of the way, let’s get down to discussing these 5 tips on how to increase your chances of having an orgasm, alone or with a date.
1. Explore Yourself
If you’re new to sex, or not too sexually experienced, you may get squeamish at the very thought of your bae exploring your ladybits. That’s natural and totally understandable. But someone’s got to do the exploring anyway, and in all honesty, you’re the best person for this job. After all, how can you expect your partner to pleasure you in bed when you don’t know what gets you going yourself?
So make good use of those fingers ladies, if you want that orgasm. If you need some help to get into the mood, turn on some porn, or just close your eyes and imagine a place where you’d love to get dirty with your beau. Have a few fantasies of your own? Go ahead and let your mind and your fingers run wild!
2. Use Some Lube
This slippery stuff is way more than just a sex prop – it’s a sex miracle. A recent study revealed how many women have lube to thank for making their sex lives more exciting and gratifying.[ref][ref]Jozkowski, Kristen N., Debby Herbenick, Vanessa Schick, Michael Reece, Stephanie A. Sanders, and J. Dennis Fortenberry. “Women’s perceptions about lubricant use and vaginal wetness during sexual activities.” The journal of sexual medicine 10, no. 2 (2013): 484-492.[/ref] This is because vaginal wetness is essential for the both penetration and stimulation for both partners having sex, and nothing can do the trick better than lube. In fact, many women in the study claim being ‘more easily orgasmic’ when there’s an increase in vaginal wetness. [ref]Jozkowski, Kristen N., Debby Herbenick, Vanessa Schick, Michael Reece, Stephanie A. Sanders, and J. Dennis Fortenberry. “Women’s perceptions about lubricant use and vaginal wetness during sexual activities.” The journal of sexual medicine 10, no. 2 (2013): 484-492.[/ref]
So go ahead, do some research, and then invest in some good quality lube. You and your partner are going to be in for a serious treat tonight.
3. Take Your Time With Foreplay
You can’t run a marathon without doing a few warm-up exercises, right? Similarly, Orgasms aren’t sudden explosions, contrary to what you believe. It’s a gradual buildup of little moments during foreplay, dirty talking, and lots of eye contact. So think of foreplay as a warm up to achieving something big. Train your mind to be in the present and focus on heating up the foreplay rather than letting it run far too ahead.
4. Delay Gratification
An orgasm is like a rubber band loaded with potential energy. The longer you keep it stretched, the more tension you are applying and the larger will be the impact of it snapping back into shape when you let go.
Similarly, during foreplay and sex, the longer you let arousal to build, the bigger the explosion. Spend time creating some tension by teasing your partner. Make it look like you’re about to kiss him and then pull away. Make it look like you’re putting your hand down there to touch his member, but instead, let your fingers stray to his inner thighs and testicles. Following this technique either when you’re alone or with your partner will eventually bring you to a point where you think you may orgasm. Stop again. Keep staving it off for longer until you feel you can’t hold it in anymore. You’ll thank us later.
5. It’s Okay To Give Yourself A Hand
Okay, time for a little biology. Do you know where your clitoris is located? You should find it at the top of the inner lips of your vagina – a little hooded nubbin-like thing. This bit is the only part of the clitoris that’s actually visible to the human eye, but it’s actually only the tip. There’s about another three-quarters of the clitoris inside your body.
The clitoris is tissue that is basically a convergence of around 8000 nerve endings. Nowhere else in the body will you find so many nerves coming in to meet, in fact, this is twice more than the number of nerve endings you’ll find in the head of the penis! So it goes without saying that stimulating your clitoris is basically your ticket to orgasm-land.
Lack of adequate clitoral contact is one of the main reasons that makes it so hard to climax. Give your clitoris enough action when you’re masturbating and you’ll find yourself getting aroused much faster. If you think your clitoris is being ignored during sex, don’t be shy to reach down and touch yourself. Not only will this get you going high, it will also be a huge turn on for your partner to watch you enjoying yourself so thoroughly.
In the end, remember that everyone is built differently. So it may take a while to figure out your own body and what gets you hot and sweaty. So be patient with yourself and your partner but also make sure to practice all you can whether you’re alone, or whether you’re having sex with your partner. Basically, what we’re saying is masturbate and have sex more often. Not only will this make you more confident in between the sheets, but will make life, in general, seem a lot brighter!