Your fantasies are always with you, be it at work, or at a club, or even while grocery shopping. They’re always creeping into your head, whispering wild ideas and playing powerful visuals in your mind’s eye, stirring you up in inexplicable ways.
So what do your fantasies mean? Why do you often find yourself imagining your next door neighbor naked when in reality you have no feelings of attraction for her whatsoever?
Analyzing fantasies is a little similar to dream analysis – it’s more of an individual interpretation and less of general concepts. For instance – having a dream about performing on stage could be a positive one for a few people, while for some, it could give them an anxiety attack.
Therefore, it is best to let your instincts guide you on what holds true and what doesn’t. Nevertheless, let’s discuss some common female fantasy themes.
Here’s What Your Sexual Fantasy Says About You
Below is a list of common women sexual fantasies and what each one is most likely to mean, according to therapists.
1. Being Irresistible
Every woman would like to have people find her attractive. However, being attractive enough to have men falling over each other, begging you to just grace them with a kiss or a touch or even with intercourse is a whole story altogether.
Society condemns women who are “guilty” of instigating sexual encounters. For this reason, our subconscious tries to find other ways to make this more acceptable. If, after all, you’re being seduced by people who are so desperate to possess you, there’s no way you can resist it. Thus, seduction becomes the man’s “crime” while you just get to play the doe-eyed victim who has no choice but to give in.
Sometimes, having recurring fantasies of being irresistibly charming could mean there’s a latent fear that the opposite is true in reality. In this case, the fantasy can reflect fears of sexual inadequacy and low self-esteem.
2. Bondage Fantasies
This fantasy is about power.
When stripped of power, we are at someone else’s mercy completely – wherein we’re ‘forced’ to enjoy whatever the other person does to us.
If you’re someone who loves to give and please, this fantasy makes it impossible to reciprocate. However, if you’re usually someone who likes to be in control, it gives you the chance to be selfish.
3. Dominating Men
With women who are undemanding and shy, this particular fantasy is highly popular. Being sexually aggressive is almost always seen as a typical male trait and plenty of women worry that they won’t be seen as feminine if they’re dominant in bed. However, our imagination doesn’t necessarily stay bound by the same rules that dictate society. So even if we do ‘behave’ ourselves and act like the quintessential ‘good girl’ in our waking hours, we use our fantasies as an outlet for unleashing our more forceful, domineering sides. In such fantasies, we perceive ourselves to be women who don’t wait to be granted
Of course, the goal is not to shame or insult our lover, but to simply be in control of things.
4. Forbidden People
This is when the ‘we want what we can’t have’ syndrome comes into play. Sometimes it’s a visual of what happened with an ex who was particularly desirable, or sometimes if we imagine someone new, the grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side philosophy becomes especially potent. The more forbidden the person we’re imagining (for instance – your boss, or your husband’s best friend, or a friend’s father), the more powerful the fantasy.
5. Him Watching You Have Sex With Another Man
This probably means your need for sex is so great, he alone cannot satisfy you. A person who craves for sex more is usually seen as someone who is sexually powerful, in which case, this becomes a power fantasy as well.
It could also mean that you have the urge to show yourself off to your partner. You want him to watch from a distance so he gets the full view and sees just how
These are fantasies had by women who are motivated by the emotion of love and not so much by sex. These women generally tend to be more sexually conservative and even ignorant.
While most of us can’t do it, in reality, we still can separate love and sex in our imagination. For those of us who only have romantic fantasies, however, drawing a line between the two becomes difficult.
7. Seducing A Virgin
Teaching an inexperienced person everything we know puts us in a superior sexual position since they probably won’t question our techniques. If you’re someone who loves being the center of attention, chances are you have a lot of these fantasies.
It could also mean that you secretly feel sexually inadequate. The act of corrupting innocence is also a very strong theme in this fantasy since it’s forbidden. This is what makes
8. Sex In Public Or Semi-Public
This one’s a fantasy about wanting people to admire us. The idea that onlookers may be so impressed by our sexual skills, they’d actually give anything to take the place of the person we’re having sex with can be quite appealing.
Since it’s also illegal, it could secretly mean you’re the regular rebel.
9. Sex With A Stranger
This is a fantasy about having sex that is devoid of all emotion and is one hundred percent physical. It is thrilling because if the person doesn’t know you and never will, you can let your hair down and do whatever you like without being haunted by the fear of being judged. You can even pretend to be someone you’re not – possibly someone you secretly yearn to be more like.
Often the stranger in our fantasies will have no identity and may even remain faceless.
The sole meaning of having a fantasy like this is so we can satisfy the shamelessly raw and carnal side of our personality which we otherwise, prefer masking in real
10. Sex With Someone Much Younger Or Older
A fantasy about having sex with someone much younger than us is nothing but an ego-boost: we’ve still got what it takes to be able to attract them. Having sex with someone much older is pretty much based on the same principle. Older people are usually perceived to be richer, more successful, wiser, and sophisticated.
It could also mean that you have daddy issues. Women who constantly find themselves fantasizing about older men or wanting to date them in real life may sometimes be dealing with personal issues with their own father. What we try to do in this case, is to recreate and fix the past, only with a different, more happy ending in the present.
11. Spanking Fantasies
This fantasy is common and has certain biological undertones.
Aggression is seen as a carnal trait in the animal world. Many female animals
Humans are also known to link pain and pleasure for the longest time. Therefore, wanting to be spanked may originate from the fact that we get turned on by certain types of pain. It could also come from a sense of wanting to be punished for being a “bad” woman; for liking something that we shouldn’t (sex).
Strippers are trained in the art of involving the audience in their own narcissism – they demand to be looked at. Most people who visit strip clubs on a regular basis are voyeurs: all they want to do is look rather than touch.
It could mean that we secretly long for people to adore us. The stronger the look of adoration or wantingness in the eyes of our onlookers, the better we feel about ourselves.
Flaunting also gives us a deep sense of power – and feeling powerful directly translates to feeling sexy. Having a fantasy of receiving a loud round of applause and cheer for parading our naked body can also help reduce our anxiety of our body not being attractive enough in reality.
13. Threesomes, Swinging, Group Sex
Women are usually always the center of attention when they’re involved in group sex, which means you secretly wish to occupy the spotlight and love attention. When men fantasize about group sex, it’s usually to make themselves feel good about having enough caliber to satisfy more than one woman at a time.
These fantasies are an intoxicating blend of voyeurism, exhibitionism, bi-curiosity (that is if there’s the same sex involved) and a longing for excess (the idea that if doing it with one person feels good, adding more individuals to the mix must definitely feel better).
14. Watching Others Have Sex
If you thought porn was only for men, think again. Women get just as fired up by erotic images as men do which means we’re just as voyeuristic.
It’s a hundred times more fascinating to watch people having sex in reality than watching virtual forms of sexual activity, simply because it makes for realistic comparisons.
All of us love to believe that we’re great when it comes to sex, and watching other people performing intercourse or foreplay allows us to compare and see how we fare on the “best lover” chart.
It may also hint at being confident about sex and your sexuality.
15. Women With Women
It’s actually a very common thing for women to have sexual fantasies about each other. This is extremely rare in the case of men, especially if they’re straight. Women are much less haunted by the socially unacceptable orientation of being gay, and this could probably be because society is much less phobia about gay women than it does about gay men.
It is important to note, however, that simply thinking about other women doesn’t make one a lesbian or bi-sexual.