We’ve all had those days (sometimes, weeks!) when it feels like there is so much to do and just not enough time to do it all. At times like that, we are usually at our least productive because we are too stressed to be thinking clearly. We end up running around like headless chickens.
A client and I were just working on precisely this issue. Let’s call her Anna for now. A busy mother who also home schools her two young teens, Anna finds it hard to stop herself from doing everything on automatic pilot, and she feels exhausted by the end of the day. When she told me she was still cutting up bananas for her perfectly capable 13-year-old son, I proposed the following awareness practice to allow her to see that she has a choice.
Do I Need To Do This Now?
Anna said she finds it quicker to get certain tasks done her way rather than leaving things to her husband or kids. It also means less cleaning up as the kids (and her husband!) make a bigger mess than she does.
I pointed out that she was getting riled up and tired from doing things that other members of the family could easily do, and it was important to recognize that by doing so, they were also being disempowered. At first glance, it seems expedient to “just get it done,” but after a while, this (controlling) attitude breeds resentment among everyone concerned—in Anna, because she feels burdened by so many tasks, and in her family, because they implicitly feel useless around the house.
Before taking the responsibility for a job, ask yourself if you really are the best one to do it or can someone else take over. This might require relaxing your standards a bit until the other person becomes more skillful with the task at hand, but over time, it will allow for a more relaxed atmosphere at home or work as you are free to do other things (including relaxing!). The others also gain confidence in their own capacity to contribute.
Do I Need To Do This Now?
Anna often feels compelled to do certain things and admits she rarely questions whether they are truly necessary. I asked her to examine what would be the worst-case scenario if, say, she didn’t do a load of laundry, or didn’t vacuum and tidy the living room every day. She concluded that she could probably live with a bit of a mess for a couple of days, in exchange for more free time and less work.
When examining your to-do list, ask yourself which things really need to be done and which could be let go of to make space for more discretionary time in your day.
Do I Need To Do This Now?
This brings us to our next point: Is this the most useful, important or productive thing you could be doing? Anna realized that she often found herself scrambling for time to get dinner ready because she had been so occupied with her kids’ homework at the end of the afternoon. We examined why she felt she needed to do her children’s homework with them (and sometimes even for them!), given that it was their homework, after all! She saw that she had never let go of the habit of checking up on her children, who were now much older and able to work unsupervised for a while. We decided that it would be better for everyone if she could take more time to prepare dinner in a more relaxed and enjoyable way.
Check with yourself about the numerous things you are doing throughout the day, and examine whether this thing is the most useful thing to do. Might it be better to do something else with your energy and attention? In this age of social media, this question is worth exploring before disappearing down the black hole of Facebook!
Do I Need To Do This Now?
By now, you have most certainly caught on to the point—there is a time and a place for everything! Anna realized that a lot of what she spent her time on could easily wait for another moment, or even another day. It’s not that the tasks weren’t important, just that they weren’t urgent. Anna also noticed that she had already had such a moment of awareness earlier, when she decided that instead of doing the ironing she would rather play a board game with her kids, as it seemed more valuable to spend quality time with her family. The ironing was left for another time, and she and her kids had fun together instead!
So there you have it, your new stress-reduction motto: Do I need to do this now? Enjoy your life more by consciously choosing how you spend your time and energy. Life is too short to be a headless chicken!
