Dating in the age of Tinder is messy, scary, demotivating and sometimes even painful. Today, a lot of people are becoming bitter and cynical about romance and relationships because of their bad experiences, and this is completely understandable. If you scour the internet for stories of bad dates, there are too many to count. Some blogs are dedicated solely to reporting how badly things can do with a Tinder date, and provide tips to escape one if you ever need to. Divorce rates are sky rocketing, and people who marry young nowadays are also ending their marriages within a few years. The internet has made it really easy to find avenues for new partners even if you’re married, which ends up with a lot of people getting their heart broken when they find our that their partner or spouse has been cheating. With so many bad experiences to deal with, it’s no wonder that so many people are disillusioned about dating and relationships.
A Comparison Model
However, sometimes it is necessary to have a bad relationship or two. It might sound sadistic, but a bad relationship can remind you of why you need a good one in your life. All of us need a comparison model, and a bad relationship provides one for us. Now, this isn’t always the best thing because we may keep our bar really low when we meet someone new, but this doesn’t always have to be the case, and it certainly doesn’t need to end badly every time.
Our Own Issues
The key here is to realize how your own issues might be contributing to how you choose the men you date. For example, you might be suffering from low self esteem because of the bad dates you have been on. This low self esteem can make you feel like you’re not actually worthy of a good relationship or a good partner. Sometimes, we might let this subconscious belief guide us, and end up making choices we know are bad but try to make better by making excuses for the person. A date might end up looking over at the messages on your phone (a red flag), and you might justify this behavior as him being “curious” about your life, and even end up liking his behavior because it makes you feel like he is invested in your future with him. You might end up making excuses for behavior that is absolutely unacceptable, such as belittling you in front of his friends or swearing at you (“he was only angry because I set him off”). Before we start to make better choices, we need to be able to address our own issues, and how they contribute to the choices we make for partners. For this, we can talk to someone who knows us well and whom we trust. None of us can see our own faults, and the people we love can let us know where we can improve, and what issues we need to address. If you feel like your issues might be too much to deal with on your own, approaching a mental health counselor can be the best thing you do for your mental well-being.
What We Don’t Want
All of us have the idea of a perfect partner, so we know what we want, but most of us don’t really think about what we DON’T WANT. A bad relationship doesn’t have to be the worst thing to happen to you. You can turn it around and make it a lesson, and make sure you know exactly what you don’t want. This lesson can be harsh, and changes us in ways we never would have thought, but how we choose to look at it can make all the difference. At the end of the day, every bad relationship takes us one step closer to the right relationship and the right partner.