Bullying and bullies have been in the news a lot lately. So, this would be a good time for people to know about the inner workings of a bully and the role fear plays in intimidation. Bullying is something that is pervasive in all walks of life. But as a society, we tend to be a little more vigilant about this kind of behavior in kids. So, lets take their example. As kids, we have all been subjected to some kind of bullying. It is never a joyful experience for the person who is getting the raw end of the deal. Kids who are bullies grow up with the same tendencies. People and their trademark characteristics don’t change a lot from when they are kids. That’s why you would see the means girls who liked bullying the simpletons in school grow up to be the extended versions of their younger mean selves. Psychologists have looked into human psyche enough to know why people act the way they do. So, what is it that drives a bully to act a certain way?
The Psyche Of A Bully
We meet bullies every day, even as adults. There is always someone who would try to shame you into submission. There are different kinds of bullies. Some use their physicality to intimidate others and this behavior is generally seen a lot in adult males. Then there are women who like to use their words and sometimes even silence to bully others. There are people who love to insult others and poke fun at others and generally not in good humor. But what is the instinct that drives them to act the way they do?
Emotional Construct Of A Bully
The simple explanation would be that it is the ego that drives us to act funny sometimes. And it is true to an extent. We all, at some level, are being controlled by our ego and our behaviors are biggest examples of that. But a bully has an emotional construct that is a little more complicated. It is not just bruised egos that drive them to bully others. They also have hollow confidence. They have egos that are fueled by their narcissistic fears. Their rage is a facade that they use to hide their broken confidence. They seek control over their egos through the intimidation and humiliation of others. So, you see, they are not really powerful in their beings. They seek control over themselves through others. They are always fearful that others would see through them which is why they like embarrassing others. A bully likes to feed off their victims’ fears and humiliation. That is the fuel that a bully needs to power himself or herself up.
Hence, the best thing to do is to take that power back from them. Your fear or humiliation is what powers them. So, the way to deal with a bully is by not reciprocating in the same manner. A bully would only challenge you in something that he or she is good at. A strong bully will always try to physically intimidate another person because he or she knows that is where his or her strength lies. A mean girl who is pretty would always pick on the girl who doesn’t fit into the category of conventional beauty.
So, it is important to see through their weaknesses and not reciprocate in a manner that they want us to. The way to make a bully crumble is just by sitting back and watching with compassion without any reactions.
Modern Day Culture And Fear Tactics
Our cultures feeds on the fears of the people. Products are being marketed that use scare tactics to sell themselves. Fear of losing life, property are incessantly used to sell us insurance policies. Fear of germs and diseases are used to sell us soaps and disinfectants. Thus, fear has become a marketing strategy aimed at pushing people into paranoia of fear as people tend to make very expensive mistakes when they are being driven by their fears.
So, we need to get over our fears and look through the fears of our bullies to take the power back from them.